Excerpt from The
Fishfly . . .
This
was 1974, a year that was to become a record summer
for fishflies, which are sometimes referred to as
shadflies, Canadian soldiers, June bugs or mayflies.
The fishflies were just beginning to make their annual
appearance, loitering on window screens and dancing
around the streetlights. In later years they had nearly
become an endangered species, with all the pollution
in the lakes. Fortunately, fishflies have more recently
made a dramatic comeback, a sign of improving environmental
conditions. Im glad, as Ive always felt
an unusual affinity with the little creatures. Loathed
by most for their smell and overwhelming numbers,
they were like little
shimmering beings to me. They seemed so patient and
kind, not skittish and excitable like other bugs.
I had a strange communion with them; they seemed so
content on my finger.
On hot summer days like these
most neighborhood boys my age were out hunting for
pollywogs or playing kickball in the streets until
the streetlights came on. I remember one typically
hot, humid day in June when I got inspired to paint
a knock-off of Davids, Napoleon on Horseback.
I was working in acrylics, on canvas, down in the
cool clamminess of my basement where the humidity
slowed the drying of the paint long enough for me
to work with it a little.
Even so, I found myself struggling.
I couldnt get the new paint I was applying to
blend with the earlier layers. In mounting desperation,
I began adding more and more water, hoping its cleansing
properties might somehow make everything okay. But
the water only made it worse. Napoleon was dripping
off his horse, off my canvas, right onto the tray
of my easel and there was nothing I could do to stop
him. I began to panic.
Then, at the last possible
moment, when I was about to lose forever what was
to have been my all-time masterpiece, I caved in.
With rueful reluctance, I called upstairs to my father,
Pa, would you help me, please. Im having
trouble with my
painting. Down the stairs from his studio he
rushed to my easel. It had been over a year since
Id last asked for his advice. He was very old
school in his approach to teaching. But this
time he seemed unusually happy, even eager to interrupt
his
own work for me. Maybe he was hoping for another chance
to bond creatively with his son.
He glanced at the dripping
mess and without hesitation, hocked up an enormous
loogie and gobbed it onto my masterpiece. Inside,
I repressed a sustained, high-pitched scream, which
shot directly up my spine and lodged into my brain
stem. Outwardly, however, I fell into the same, automatic,
semi-mongoloid posture.
I couldnt believe itnot
even he was capable of such an abominable crime against
his own child. Oblivious to my agony, he grabbed the
dripping brush from my hand. If Ive told
you once, Ive told you a hundred times,
he lectured,
theres the right way to do something and
theres the easy way. I watched in horror
and awe as he rubbed the gooey mucus into the paint,
working it in. There it is
thats
got it.
The extra viscosity of his
spit rescued my Napoleon from oblivion. Now
thats the right way, he declared as he
flicked my brush masterfully on the canvas, easing
my painting back into submission like a horse whisperer.
He handed the brush
back to me and darted away. He hopped gleefully up
the stairs to the kitchen where he turned his attention
to preparing a delicious lentil soup, which was his
specialty.
Faintly I could hear him singing
Invictus, which I believe is the Latin
root for the word, vindictive. Im not sure.
He sang it often, though. He had a way of turning
his head to the right and tightening his throat to
make his voice sound more operatic, at
least to his ear. He sang, I am the master of
my ship. You have to stand up and fight for what is
right, something like that. He often boasted
they were the only lyrics he never forgot. Him and
Timothy McVeigh.
All other songs he sang in
gibberish Italian. It didnt matter what song
it was. He always made up just the right Italian sounding
lyric to sell it. He would close his eyes and grab
his heart, bellowing quasi recitatives that went something
like, Noche, pia noche, pistaccio. He
was a ham all right. Actually, he was well known for
his Italian gibberish AND his bad memory, just two
more of the charming eccentricities for which he was
so well liked.
Oh yes, the painting. I finished
it. It came out pretty well. In fact, I sold it to
Dr. Amberg down the street for five dollars. Id
asked for eight. I gave my father a dollar as a consulting
fee. By fourteen, I was well on the way to acquiring
my fathers gift
for commerce as well as his artistic methods and proclivities.

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Note: twelve years in
the making, The Fishfly is a powerful
story that needed to be told. The Fishfly is
a probing, incisive novel which lays bare the insidious
nature of both verbal and physical abuse. It grapples
with the deep-rooted challenges inherent in the healing
process, imaginatively dealing with the how
and why of this raging epidemic. The narrative
moves back and forth, between the perspective of the
young victim and the recovering adult. It is the author's
hope that The Fishfly might contribute
to breaking the cycle of fear, anger and abuse, which
continues to grip our world.
The Fishfly
deals very personally with the issue of abuse and
offers a point of view that is rarely expressed in
our victim-obsessed society. The Fishfly
is a heavily fictionalized "what if" around
the author's own story of abuse, presenting an alternative
ending to the tragic scenario, which continues to
be repeated with young people everywhere. The central
question of the novel is, "what if we actually
had the opportunity to confront our perpetrator 30
years after the fact?" Says Robert, "My
intention in publishing this story is not to capitalize
on mine, or others, misfortune; my goal has been to
express something real and true, to create something
that reaches out to those who may benefit from my
own experiences, real and imagined. This is the goal
of the artist."